Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
