I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
