some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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