I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who died my cat blue again?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
