since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
