She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
