she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize