Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
