Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize