His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
