You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
