i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
