dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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