Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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