I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
