why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just threw up on my dentist
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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