on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
