I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
