I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
