One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
