When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
