Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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