He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
