I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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