Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
