some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
