If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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