A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
