Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize