I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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