I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
