Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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