Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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