Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize