i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
