Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
