i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
