My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
