how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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