We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
