i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
