Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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