Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
