All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
