HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
false alarm, still single
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
