You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
