Swine flu. Run for my life!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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