Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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