and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
