Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
