My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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