Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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