its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
