I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
