dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
