dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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