sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
