Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
