There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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