Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
tell me about the fingering
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