I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
