my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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