Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
