Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
