You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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