I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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